Illustrations for Target in Canada

For the past few months, I've been working with Target and the advertising agency KBS+P in Toronto, to create ads for Target's debut in Canada. Today they released news for the first time; glimpses into what to expect from their launch. Here are a couple links to more images and news at Marketmag.ca, and another from The Toronto Star. Stay tuned for more fun bits as the ads begin to roll out! 

Vasovagal

I fainted last night.
I fainted in front of my students, while teaching in class.
I was unconscious only for a short period of time, at least that's what I was told.
Only a few seconds.
I have no memory of it even happening; it felt as though somebody hit the power-off switch in my brain, and I suddenly collapsed. Not to diminish the experience but shortly before regaining consciousness, I had what I think was a dream -- and Britney Spears was in it.
Mikee said that she was my sprit guide?
I always thought that if I did have any kind of spirit guide it would be someone like Zora Neale Hurston or someone with the voice of Maya Angelou, or Toni Morrison.
While I was unconscious, Britney never spoke to me, but I wonder had she done so, if the voice of Ms Angelou would have come out of her lips.

~

Before going to sleep last night, I asked myself what I was supposed to learn from this experience. I sometimes do this; if there is a question which needs answering, I ask myself this question over and over again, until I fall asleep. 
I woke up with an answer.
Well, more like a question,

Think of all the things that you have in your life and how much they're worth. 

I'm 38 years old, and in what I believe is the best health that I've been in over the past 7 years. 
Although, I'm no spring chicken, I do believe it was chicken that may have been the catalyst for my all-day-nausea, and eventual fainting spell in the evening.


I wonder if I had been under for a few seconds longer what Britney would have said?

The Reminder

For the past several weeks, I've been working on refining some modified T shirts that I designed. I've been wanting, for a very long time, to venture into fashion - not as a career shift, but moreso to introduce this as another component to my studio practice. Many people have asked me in reference to my wanting to create cut & sew T shirts, why I don't purchase them from a manufacturer and then silkscreen my images onto them. It's a legitimate question, and one that I think comes up naturally in reference to me because I am an illustrator, whose strength is rooted in drawing. Sewing for me, is still very new; although I do love the process of it, I still have much to learn. And so, after answering out loud (and to myself) this question many times over, I realized that my choice has less to do with practicality at this point, and everything to do with realizing a dream. I've written these words before:  

I love the craft of making things. 

I care about my studio practice.

This is not to suggest that I would never source out part of my work; I would be stubborn not to do so, if ever the demand became too large for me to manage. To share, I currently have a sewer, and an assistant, as well as interns who have helped me tremendously throughout this process. But at this point, if I continue to receive help and source out more of my process, then I would want to keep the manufacturing within the US. So far, it's been good, and so far I've been able to afford to do so. But I admit that I am spending more than I am making. And in order to make these shirts, and in order to shift some of my time and attention over to creating these shirts, means that I have to give up other things. I've always believed that everything comes at a price, that when you ask for, and then receive something, then you must relinquish something else in return. To do otherwise, inspires greed and self absorption, two characteristics that I despise in people. The notion of give-and-take is something that I take very seriously; for me, nothing is free.

The past two weeks I have been working more than 90 hours per week. 

I write this, not because I am proud. It's only a statement to describe the effort that it's taken me to try to do all of the work. For me, the work was necessary, because choosing to do it any other way, would not have been possible, at least with my current resources and income.

Over the past 14 or so days, I had a kind of daily ritual: I would wake very early in the morning, between 4:15am to 5:00am; I would shower and get changed, and then walk the dogs to the studio. Rita, who is the older of the two dogs,  I would carry most of the time -- without trying to humanize her, I figure that it's probably too early for her to walk based on the fact that she just sits on the sidewalk when we get outside. In any event, my work days have been lasting between 12-16 hours everyday, including the weekends, such that I split my days up to accommodate both illustration and fashion related work.

It's a strange feeling to work so hard for something and then arrive at a place where you suddenly forget the reasons why you began in the first place. It's the repetition of tasks, and those moments when I spend alone in silence, making whatever it is I am making without any feedback from anyone that causes me to forget what my original intentions were for choosing to place so much time and effort in making these T shirts. 

And so, I find myself 

pausing, 

and listening, 

and watching 

for some sign to remind myself that all of my pursuits carry with it good intentions, and contain some value of worth.

* The T shirts above are from my line YEE YEE. My focus for the Fall are on Graphic Tees. They're currently on sale on fab.com.

Process Silkscreen 02: Creating Transparencies

Oooops. I made a mistake. No worries. I'll fix'em up.

Process Silkscreen 01: Creating the Transparencies.

I've been silkscreening a lot in my studio. Here's part of my process creating the transparencies. Again it's totally DIY-improvise. I'm still wonky. I'm still a newbie, but I'm finally starting to get results that I'm happy with. Enjoy.

Twyla Tharp, The Creative Habit

I'm reading Twyla Tharp's "The Creative Habit."

I've only just begun.
I read constantly, blips and blurbs from this book and that. Sometimes I take what I need from one source and then put it down. After which I pick up another book, and read bits and pieces from that. Sometimes I finish it.
Other times I don't.
I've taken the pressure off of my having to finish every book that I start perhaps because the work that I do on a daily basis is so deadline driven. As a commercial artist, I must finish everything that I start because if I don't, then it will begin to affect others who are involved in the process; the editors, the art directors, the clients, and the purchasers of whatever service or product my illustrations are connected to.
But this book, even though I've only just digitally swiped open, feels different.
A lot of what I've been doing in my studio recently has been related to the building of my skill and dexterity. The repetitiveness of my process feels new to me only because it is so new. I'm referring to the cutting and sewing and silkscreening that has been so prevalent in my practice since early this year. I think that having been immersed in Illustration since art college, it's  slowly eroded away the obvious challenging feelings that can accompany the building up of skill within a creative discipline until they become, as Twyla Tharp suggests, habits.
Her words have already begun to affect me in a way that a good conversation can with a friend, or mentor.
I think part of me is always in search of a mentor, but I find it more difficult as I get older, for whatever the reasons may be. Perhaps it's my inability in not knowing how to do so, being shy or fearful about it, or maybe through my own experiences I've concretized my own way of thinking, and so I've built up a resistance to suggestions that don't match my own -- some would call this stubbornness... I call this stubbornness.
Or maybe it's just a logical tendency to become this way after several years of working within the same creative discipline; as one gains more experience in whatever field he or she specializes, there is less of a tendency to ask others for help, and more movement towards sharing knowledge with those who have less experience.
The books that I read have oftentimes become the sources that I tap into whenever I need advice, direction, or solace. I'm particularly inspired by the experiences of others in fields which lay outside of my own. This is not meant to sound arrogant, but I do believe in the importance of having a holistic approach to one's art practice, and that means being open to the ways that others (who's professions are unlike mine) do things in order to grow a better understanding of new ways to work.
Because working in the same formulaic way, day-in and day-out can result in a kind of monotony that I assume would manifest itself in one's work. Although I have no proof of this, I can see the logic in this statement. Part of what I think is so fascinating about the creative arts, is the intuitive component of it. That even though one can plan and strategize exactly how to resolve a particular drawing or painting for example, there is still that component of improvisation, which I believe, lifts that work to a higher level. However, I think it's a mistake to assume that this quality of inspiration that shows up in one's work is somehow the product of genius, or "born of some transcendent inexplicable Dionysian act of inspiration, a kiss from God on your brow that allows you to give the world The Magic Flute." (1) Rather it's the hard work that fuels the creativity; the exercises and the repetition that occurs within the artists' process that is the foundation. "If art is the bridge between what you see in your mind and what the world sees, then skill is how you build that bridge." (2)

1. Tharp, Twyla with Reiter, Mark. The Creative Habit: Learn It And Use It For Life: A Practical Guide. New York: Simon & Schuster, 2003: 28.
2. Tharp, Twyla with Reiter, Mark. The Creative Habit: Learn It And Use It For Life: A Practical Guide. New York: Simon & Schuster, 2003: 41-42.http://www.twylatharp.org/gallery.shtml#

* photo above from twylatharp.org by Richard Avedon.

Love Takes Work

I've stopped believing in formulas for success. Whether they exist or not, I've become tired of looking for one that works. I think I gave up a long time ago. I rarely cut corners, and take the long route to get to places. And although I probably end up putting in more work than I should, I believe that the time that I spend in one spot, learning, and fixing, and making mistakes and recovering from them are some of the most valuable gifts that I've given to myself. It's not always fun, but there have been many rewarding moments. 

I believe in education.

I believe in networking.

I believe in preparation.

I believe in inspiration.

I believe in humility.

I believe in patience.

I believe in hard work.

Last night I was at a party with some friends. Yes, yes, although I don't go out as often as I used to, I did last night, and had a really great time seeing friends who I've not seen in so long, and having conversations that I didn't realize that I've been yearning to have because I've been working so much (for the most part) alone in my studio. I've been in this industry for eleven years, and  throughout this time, I've gained much experience, most of it being useful; having reinforced and challenged some views and values in both my personal and professional lives. Some of the things that I used to believe in, I no longer do. And some of the goals that I had set for myself have fallen away, and have tarnished in their level of importance. But at the same time, I've learned that parts of myself have, over the years, become more solidified, and unchanged, although I have added to this list some new things that I've begun to care more about.

The Illustrator who I am today is not like the one from seven years ago before I moved to New York. And I think part of it is from the interactions and experiences that I've had living in this city;  the friends that I've made, the projects that I've worked on, and even the neighbourhood that I've chosen to live in have all somehow left their impressions on me, which have in turn, affected the choices that I make nowadays.

I spoke with several friends last night about the personal projects that they are working on alongside their careers. Some have chosen to do both full day job, and self-initated projects on nights and weekends. While others have left their professions and have immersed themselves entirely in whatever project to which they've assigned themselves. And I wonder if much of my fascination with listening to their stories has everything to do with the fact that I am in a similar position now, within my own career. Although I'm not giving anything up per se, I am, and have for what feels like, a long time, been seeking out ways to expand my creativity and to lift my art and business to the next level. The obscurity of this phrase matches the obscurity of how I will exactly do this. 

Because frankly, I don't know.

I'm doing a lot of reading and researching, I'm sharing what I'm doing with others, and listening to them talk about what they're doing, I'm watching a lot of documentaries and I confess reality shows too, because I'm anything if not a sucker for the rise of the underdog. 

But there are so many moments when I'm confused and unsure about the direction that I should go in, and if it's even worth it.

If you've been reading my entries, you'll know that this is an ongoing theme of mine. I never said that i had answers, and I know that I'm redundant (ask any of my students), and I'm very open about the realities of my experience via my own profession, at times to a self-deprecating level, but I have a narcissistic side as well - I think he needs to be there to balance the critical side of me. There is an artist and critic inside of every Illustrator; the conversation that happens between these two bodies helps us make creative decisions. Sometimes though, I wonder if there's also an analyst inside of me as well because I could sure use the advise.

Over the weekend, I spoke at an "3x3's Nuts & Bolts" Illustration Conference, sharing whatever information that I had experientially about beginning one's Illustration career; really, it was more storytelling and wondering out loud than a didactic approach on how to look for work. My illustrations, and my lectures are an extension of myself and so there needs to be an authenticity of experience; I have to enjoy whatever art I'm making,  and in reference to my talks, enjoy whatever it is I'm speaking about. It needs to represent where I'm at presently within my studio practice, and where I'm psychologically and emotionally as well, otherwise I'll get bored.  

At the end of it, someone asked me how early I wake up to do all of the things that I do.

My answer was, "6:00 am."

Of, course this is not a militant ritual of mine, but I realized that over the past year, without exaggeration, I have been waking up very early because if I don't, then I wouldn't be able to accomplish all of the things that I've set out to do. This of course means letting go of other things in my life. However, as extreme as it sounds, it's not really that way. Making the decision to incorporate a second component to my studio practice of creating personal work has really helped me become more productive and efficient because I realize that if I'm not organized, then I won't be able to grow my career in the way that I would like.

The friends of mine who I spoke with last night, talked about their projects, their intentions and creative vision, the amount of time, money and work that they've spent towards them... their stories inspired me in a huge way. And I need to be inspired right now because it gives me comfort and encouragement to continue with the personal projects that I'm doing alongside my commercial work. There isn't often validation while I'm working on self-iniated projects, there isn't  always an audience either. Instead, what I do think that there is, is a lot of is uncertainty... and this uncertainty can be so loud sometimes, Uncertainty can make me defensive and tired, and plant the idea in my head to quit. Taking my career to the next level means being uncomfortable -- it requires a ton of work, but it also requires research, analysis, strategy and risk. These are not the most romantic words, I admit, but who said love was easy. Love takes work.

*The illustration above was for SooJin Buzelli at Plansponsor, "Finding The Best Provider."